(Note - this was actually written on my computer 2 weeks ago, but I'm just now remembering to update my blog)
This is a very raw post, and I have no idea where it will end up. Here it goes!
This morning started off like every other morning for the past few months, I had been restless since daylight, but was still in bed trying to catch a little more sleep. Victor got up, got ready for work and left as usual, and I got up shortly after. I had the two leftover cinnamon rolls that I'd made for breakfast yesterday and a tall glass of chocolate milk (Kroger makes a great milk mix, by the way.) I got a load of laundry going, and started looking around for things to do. There's not much to do these days; what I can do is done and what isn't I can't do because it involves carrying, moving or bending beyond what I'm able to do. :) Needless to say, I've been a bit bored lately.
Anyway, I finished watching Dark Crystal (those 80's movies get weirder the older you get), got the safety eyes put on Alison's elephant, checked Facebook, and decided to lay down for a bit at around 1:30. A few minutes later, Victor called. "Whatcha doin'?" "Oh, nothing. Just laying down." "You feel okay?" "Yah, there's just nothing else to do." :) "...I just lost my job."
My hands are still clammy from the news. Apparently his work has just lost over a million dollars (when you work for a Christian company that relies heavily, if not mainly, on giving and the economy goes sour, these things aren't so shocking) and Victor's job just didn't dodge the bullet.
I didn't really say much - the panic, dread and tears that I think should have come didn't. Rather, I was reminded of my conversation with my sister just the day before. Jehovah Jireh. The Lord provides. Katie was telling me her own story about when she and Matt were first married. It was 9 degrees outside, and their heater had given out. They left for church that Sunday, but soon the engine light came on in the car. As if having no heat (and no money to pay for repairs) wasn't enough, a dead car wasn't going to help. So they turned around and went home. By the time they'd gotten home, the lock on their door had already frozen over. They went to the neighbors to get (what's it called? The un-freeze stuff?) something to get the lock open, and when they got in, the house was so cold. They decided to trek a mile or so to Mom and Dad's house, even thought Mom and Dad had no electricity either (from the ice storm). But they had a fireplace! Once Matt got a fire going, he grabbed his Bible and just let it fall open. Jesus feeds the 5000. That's where it fell! So together they read the story and were reminded that our Jesus can take the piddly things and turn them into something grand. They knew everything would be fine, even if they were totally clueless as to how.
Later that night when they went home, they could smell something burning. They went to the heater, jaws hanging almost to the floor - the coils were hot! Not only had Dad tested the current the day before - and there was none - but Katie has disconnected the power. But the crazy thing had turned on, gotten power, and was warming their house.
"I've never in my life experienced something so miraculous and real" said Katie to me yesterday. And that's not the only time she has seen God work something wonderful in their lives. She said something in the story that caught her eye that she'd never noticed before was how Jesus approached Philip and pretty much said, "Hey man. What are we going to do? It's getting late, these people have been listening to me all day, they're hungry, but there's no food. What are we going to do??" Katie said it's like Jesus wanted Philip to come to that realization of, "Oh no! I don't know! What ARE we going to do??" so Jesus could step in and work his "magic". :)
So earlier this week when Katie's car gave out, she called Matt to tell him. "No! I was JUST praying for HELP this morning, for more money, provision! This is the total opposite!" said Matt. "Matt. How many times has God taken care of us? Will he not again?" and just like that, Matt said, "You're right. I'm being like Philip. Let's get to the place where God can work a miracle faster than that. God, it's yours! We can't do anything! Take it!" he said, and the way Katie told me, it sounded almost humorous. :)
"...I just lost my job."
What are we going to do? I don't know. But it's out of our hands. "Krista, God has always provided for us. And He will now." Do you want me to state the obvious? We're about to have a baby. That has enough worries of its own. But now without a job? Are we not poor enough already? But no. All I could say was, "Well, it looks like we get to go on an adventure." I'm a little scared. This isn't how I thought things would happen. And while it's not good news now, I think it will be eventually.
Rejoice in the Lord, always, and again I say, REJOICE!
What do I have to rejoice about? For starters, I'm going to ENJOY the time that I now have at home with Victor! Until such a time comes with this is no longer a burden and Victor finds a new job, I am going to enjoy the time I have with him. Every day I thank the Lord for how he has provided for us. What do I have to fear?