40 weeks

As usual, the weeks have been moving along quite nicely, and that's so odd to me. I get on BabyCenter and read about how many women are downright livid that they're still pregnant, about how they break down and cry anytime someone asks them how much longer they've got, and how they are ready to go to jail for murder if their family calls one more time and asks if they're gone into labor yet. :) For me, I have really enjoyed being pregnant. There are many things that have been rough - the aches in my bones, the difficulty sleeping, the stretch marks (ugh), the inability to cozy up next to Victor without making a scene, the overall lack of mobility that once was mine - but there have also been so many wonderful things that I have treasured. I have loved talking about my baby and my belly with people, total strangers even. I have loved having that belly loved on. I have had gorgeous skin that has not been a source of stress for nine, almost ten months now! I have watched my body change so much, watched it accommodate new life, and have felt that life thriving in me for around 25 whole weeks now. I have had the most pleasant dreams about this baby, and a peace about being a mother that I never knew (or thought) I'd have. And whenever I feel I cannot see an end in sight, that I will go on in total discomfort for the rest of my life, :) I remind myself of the good things. And since there are so many for me, it is fairly easy to turn that frown upside down. :)

Even so, it's getting harder. I am so thankful to have weekly appointments now, because I find myself living for them. "Just make it till Tuesday" has been my motto since my appointment last Wednesday. This appointment will be especially fun, because we'll be planning our induction date!

I had hoped to have Miles by this point. I had hoped for a small, or at least average-sized November baby. That's really all I've hoped for in this pregnancy, aside from the obvious healthy mom and baby. It looks, however, like I'll be having a rather large December baby, and that's the ONLY thing that's got me down. I don't care that I'm still pregnant, not at all. But my selfishness is getting the best of me - the selfishness that wanted that "little baby". Those don't run in our family, I know, but I wanted one anyway.

"You'll love him anyway." Oh heavens, YES! I know this very well. I will, I do! But who doesn't get an idea of how things will go in their minds and hope for those plans to pan out? I'm just looking at some of these clothes he has, and he's already outgrown them. My baby has already outgrown some of his clothes, and he's not even here yet. I hate that. If he's going to be getting bigger and bigger, it's not fair that I can't hold him through it. Instead, I'm just getting more stretch marks!

Wow! I'm being a lot more negative than I thought! Suppose it really IS getting harder, then, huh?? ;)

Emotions are a funny thing. Because while I'm wanting so much to go into labor this moment, I am simultaneously wanting to keep it at bay! Victor and I - we have a good thing going here! We have all our time to OURSELVES! It ours, ours, OURS! No sharing, no responsibilities, sleeping in when we want, eating when we want, doing what we want, it's been fan-flippin-tastic. I've had enough people tell me these days are soon to be gone that I'm panicking just a little. I don't WANT to give up the free time, the down time, the us time, the me time! I've never before been responsible for something 24/7. And for a first-timer of 24/7 responsibility, holy cow! What a thing to start with!

Oh, the hormones. I can pull myself out of this "I'm so ready, so NOT ready" cloud in an instant and laugh at myself. Everything's gonna be fine. These feelings are actually a little funny, and sooo not fair not being able to control them! :P

Ah, sweet baby. Just come on out and let's get this party started already! It's the waiting that's the killer! Oh, and if it's possible, try to manage that growing of yours, ok? I've gotta push you out of what I will soon be swearing was NOT made for nine pounds!!

Well readers - friends, family, heck - strangers, it's been fun. Crazy, emotional, but one fun ride. Driver, I think this is my stop. (...I think...)

;)

38 weeks

(Note - this was actually written on my computer 2 weeks ago, but I'm just now remembering to update my blog)

This is a very raw post, and I have no idea where it will end up. Here it goes!

This morning started off like every other morning for the past few months, I had been restless since daylight, but was still in bed trying to catch a little more sleep. Victor got up, got ready for work and left as usual, and I got up shortly after. I had the two leftover cinnamon rolls that I'd made for breakfast yesterday and a tall glass of chocolate milk (Kroger makes a great milk mix, by the way.) I got a load of laundry going, and started looking around for things to do. There's not much to do these days; what I can do is done and what isn't I can't do because it involves carrying, moving or bending beyond what I'm able to do. :) Needless to say, I've been a bit bored lately.

Anyway, I finished watching Dark Crystal (those 80's movies get weirder the older you get), got the safety eyes put on Alison's elephant, checked Facebook, and decided to lay down for a bit at around 1:30. A few minutes later, Victor called. "Whatcha doin'?" "Oh, nothing. Just laying down." "You feel okay?" "Yah, there's just nothing else to do." :) "...I just lost my job."

My hands are still clammy from the news. Apparently his work has just lost over a million dollars (when you work for a Christian company that relies heavily, if not mainly, on giving and the economy goes sour, these things aren't so shocking) and Victor's job just didn't dodge the bullet.

I didn't really say much - the panic, dread and tears that I think should have come didn't. Rather, I was reminded of my conversation with my sister just the day before. Jehovah Jireh. The Lord provides. Katie was telling me her own story about when she and Matt were first married. It was 9 degrees outside, and their heater had given out. They left for church that Sunday, but soon the engine light came on in the car. As if having no heat (and no money to pay for repairs) wasn't enough, a dead car wasn't going to help. So they turned around and went home. By the time they'd gotten home, the lock on their door had already frozen over. They went to the neighbors to get (what's it called? The un-freeze stuff?) something to get the lock open, and when they got in, the house was so cold. They decided to trek a mile or so to Mom and Dad's house, even thought Mom and Dad had no electricity either (from the ice storm). But they had a fireplace! Once Matt got a fire going, he grabbed his Bible and just let it fall open. Jesus feeds the 5000. That's where it fell! So together they read the story and were reminded that our Jesus can take the piddly things and turn them into something grand. They knew everything would be fine, even if they were totally clueless as to how.

Later that night when they went home, they could smell something burning. They went to the heater, jaws hanging almost to the floor - the coils were hot! Not only had Dad tested the current the day before - and there was none - but Katie has disconnected the power. But the crazy thing had turned on, gotten power, and was warming their house.

"I've never in my life experienced something so miraculous and real" said Katie to me yesterday. And that's not the only time she has seen God work something wonderful in their lives. She said something in the story that caught her eye that she'd never noticed before was how Jesus approached Philip and pretty much said, "Hey man. What are we going to do? It's getting late, these people have been listening to me all day, they're hungry, but there's no food. What are we going to do??" Katie said it's like Jesus wanted Philip to come to that realization of, "Oh no! I don't know! What ARE we going to do??" so Jesus could step in and work his "magic". :)

So earlier this week when Katie's car gave out, she called Matt to tell him. "No! I was JUST praying for HELP this morning, for more money, provision! This is the total opposite!" said Matt. "Matt. How many times has God taken care of us? Will he not again?" and just like that, Matt said, "You're right. I'm being like Philip. Let's get to the place where God can work a miracle faster than that. God, it's yours! We can't do anything! Take it!" he said, and the way Katie told me, it sounded almost humorous. :)

"...I just lost my job."

What are we going to do? I don't know. But it's out of our hands. "Krista, God has always provided for us. And He will now." Do you want me to state the obvious? We're about to have a baby. That has enough worries of its own. But now without a job? Are we not poor enough already? But no. All I could say was, "Well, it looks like we get to go on an adventure." I'm a little scared. This isn't how I thought things would happen. And while it's not good news now, I think it will be eventually.

Rejoice in the Lord, always, and again I say, REJOICE!

What do I have to rejoice about? For starters, I'm going to ENJOY the time that I now have at home with Victor! Until such a time comes with this is no longer a burden and Victor finds a new job, I am going to enjoy the time I have with him. Every day I thank the Lord for how he has provided for us. What do I have to fear?

37 Weeks

...is much better. Now that Miles is full term and can come any day now, I feel a sense of relief and excitement that just wasn't there last week. I was able to get out and take some pictures of things I've made recently for Miles (which was a lot of fun). Any day now, my little boy (!) will be wearing this outfit. There's no way that couldn't make any emotional pregnant lady feel better! :)

Last night I found a link through BabyCenter to a live birth. A couple had set up a session through, I'm guessing, their hospital and were broadcasting the whole thing. It was really well done, didn't show anything sketchy at all, and was absolutely amazing. Victor came in and started watching it with me (all on his own!) after he heard those first few cries. We both just sat there, quiet and amazed, while the reality of what's about to happen sunk in even more. For him especially. He walked out of the room, got our smallest dog, Audrey, came back and sat next to me and just sighed. He almost had tears in his eyes. "This just got real for me." He had a happy, small smile on his face. It was a very precious moment. I think we just sat there for a few minutes before snapping back to "now" and both saying, "We're SO not ready!" :)

Miles is now somewhere in the neighborhood of 19-20 inches long. Most places I'm reading from say babies at this stage are just over 6 pounds, but I'm pretty sure Miles is more than that, since at 34 weeks he was 5 lbs 5 oz (at best guess). Babies put on about a half pound each week, so I'm guessing he's closer to 7lbs. Hopefully not more. :)

He's fully baked, and ready to make an appearance any moment. It's a crazy thing living with that knowledge. It's an electric, exciting and slightly unnerving feeling that makes going out a whole new ballgame. We're about to go to WalMart, and I've already got a game plan in mind if my water should break. Granted, all of this will likely not happen for another week to three weeks, but I want to be prepared. I am so excited! Waking up every morning is a little more exciting than the morning before. Will today be the day? What might happen? HOW will it happen? Am I packed and ready?

37 weeks. Thirty-seven weeks. It's gone by so fast, and one of life's most altering experiences is upon us. I am about to be called to be someone other than I have been my entire life. I am about to become a mother. And Victor, my husband - that guy I met so many years ago with whom I have acted like a total kid myself - is about to be a father. We, together, are about to be charged with the greatest responsibility I know of; the care and faithful upbringing of a life that has been trusted to us by God. Um... WOAH! That is big. Very big. And scary. And one heck of an adventure that is gonna rock our worlds. The closer I get to my due date, the more intensely I want to hold my baby, to stare at his face and dream about our life together. We may be poor, we may be riddled with flaws and nasty imperfections, but I'll tell you what - this baby is going to be loved so much. And that love will demonstrate itself not only in words but in actions. And one of those first actions that I am most eagerly anticipating is kissing all over his face and tummy. :) I can't wait to see him smile. I can't wait to smell him after a bath. I can't wait to wrap him up in a blanket and sit with him snuggled between me and Victor on the couch. I can't wait to watch him sleep. But even more, I can't wait to share with him the riches of life that God has blessed us with. The seasons, and how each is special and unique, the smell of fun things made in the kitchen, the thrill of just being a boy - mixing, mashing and making a mess, the comfort of a warm hug and kind word, and the peace of knowing that he has a maker who made all of these things possible, and did so just for him.

Oh yah. Life's about to get a little sweeter. :)

36 Weeks

I've written the first line to this post like five times - but each attempt sounds like such a negative start that I end up erasing it. Things like, "I'm absolutely drained" or "I feel awful" just seem like such a terrible way to start a post. Alas, it's the gospel truth. This past week has been rough. Before I was pregnant I was on a low dose of anxiety medicine, but man it made such a difference in my days. Just getting to the point in my life where I thought I even needed to talk to a doctor about the way I felt (and how it just didn't seem normal or like *me*) took years. It's a hard thing to grasp that emotions, just like muscles and bones, can get out of whack and need fixing. Even harder to recognize that and seek out advice other than your local girl gossip. :) I can sum it up by saying shortly after high school, during my first year of college, I started feeling - I can't quite describe it - down, gloomy, totally unmotivated and super nervous - like, I could throw myself into a panicked frenzy over such a small thing. I wrote it off as adjusting to college life, but after several years of battling with this emotional mess, I finally decided to ask a doctor if it was possible to, gosh I don't know, actually have something wrong with my emotions? Looking back, I almost laugh because it was so obvious, but I had never EVER given any thought to the subject of anxiety and depression. And if I would have, I would have surely written if off as malarky. It's so easy to do that when I don't understand something.

Anyway, my sweet doctor just smiled and said, "Well, yah..." and got me on a low dose of what I can only describe as the pill version of sunshine. I felt like my life was mine again. Food had flavor, the world had color and life - MY life - had purpose. You just don't know what living outside of that knowledge (even though you tell yourself) is like until you've been there. Since then, I have been the "me" I missed for so long. You don't have to understand it, just believe me. And believe my dear husband who has seen the light return to my countenance. :)

When I found out I was pregnant, one of the first things I wanted to know was how or if that medicine might affect the baby. Turns out very little has been done by way of research in this area. I literally have one doctor telling me it's fine, that nothing bad has been found for it or other drugs in its class and another telling me that it actually could be harmful. I just decided to wean myself from it to be safe at around 20 weeks. While I've not been thrust into the pit of despair like I thought I would, life has definitely been different. A normal, un-pregnant me would have a difficult time coping with the return of anxiety and depression. But a pregnant me? Oh I'm just a mess some days. :) Crying, feeling weepy for days, and exploding like a volcano when I can't get a pizza into the oven because the thawed dough is stuck to some plastic wrap. And then crying about it for an hour... (you get the picture?). It's nearly impossible to distinguish between what's just pregnancy hormones and what's a result of my anxiety. But this past week has been a challenge for both me and Victor. I've been up and down and up and down and am just tired. The smallest things bring me to tears (and I am not by nature a crier!)

What used to happen only once every few weeks is now happening every other day. I just feel like I'm losing control of everything.

BUT at the same time, I'm beside myself with joy about becoming a mom. All of the good things in life are still so good to me. I just have this new ability to turn on the tears (or the anger or the panic) like a switch! It's exhausting. So this week's post is just me saying that I'm ready, more so than ever, to be done. Almost every kick from Miles still makes me smile. His little nudges and turns still warm my heart. But it's time for me to get back to being me again, and I can't as long as I'm carrying him.

I know it's natural to get that "okay I'm done now! :)" feeling towards the end. The excitement of the unknown and the anticipation of the big day is hardly something one can just put out of mind. And the absolute and unending discomfort of the final weeks, I firmly believe, serves only to add to that feeling of "doneness". :) But on top of that I'm trying to manage all these restive emotions.

My emotions have long been something I treasure. Life, I believe, is so much sweeter, more colorful and enjoyable when you have a rush of feeling accompany an experience. But these days I find myself wishing I could be a stoic and just let these next few weeks wash past me without feeling it. It seems like it would be easier that way.

So that's where I am. Don't get me wrong - which must be easy to do after I've just written hundreds of words about being down - I am still loving life. I'm smiling right now just thinking about how awesome Victor has been lately, and about how much fun we're going to have with little Miles. There is an overabundance of things that I am thankful for, things that make me glad and things that give me a little spring in my step. I'm just having to cope with sudden interruptions of bawling my eyes out or blowing my top or breaking into a nervous sweat for no reason. And it's draaaaaiiiiinnnnniiiinnnng. :)

To the moms who've been there - you rock. I never knew what would be required of me during pregnancy. So much, it seems, and yet I'm glad to have done it. To the moms who don't yet know they're moms - the end can get hard, but focus on the things you know are true. And focus HARD, because every fiber in your being will tell you your world is crashing around you. And to the dads - keep being the men of character, encouragement, strength and love that we need you to be. It's a selfless duty that may or may not yield a tangible reward, but your efforts will be reflected in your wives. I know that after today (I was so disappointed after going to the doctor and not getting checked for dilation which set the stage for me to be short-fused and weepy) the only reason I'm breathing easy is because of Victor's great hugs and wise words.

*Whew!* I'm glad to have written this all out. It's all a part of my story, and I know I'll be happy to have it down the road. Now all I want to do is kick back on the couch with Victor and snack on something. :)

Baby, it's cold outside!

I'm now 34 weeks. And boy oh boy, am I feeling every week of it. :) Monday of this week added a whole new aspect to this pregnancy; being sick. I feel bad for whining before - now I really have something to whine about! No one likes a cold - the sore throat, itchy eyes, sneezes that promise you sweet relief and then DON'T COME!, chest congestion, the works. But on top of that, I can't cough hard enough to get any of this mess out of my chest, and I can't take the normal medicines. I get to experience this beast in all of it's natural fury, lucky me. :)

Aside from that though, things are still going really well. Turns out that Miles is and has been sideways for some time now, so yesterday I went to Dr. Don's for a little back adjustment (which has all but eliminated my pelvic pain!) in hopes that Miles will turn. We're giving it till Monday to declare it a success of failure. I really hope it works, since my only other option if he doesn't turn is to have a cesarian. Bleh. I mean, BLEH. That totally freaks me out - being awake whilst being cut open... oh my gosh. I could just see myself throwing up all over the place. People keep telling me not to worry too much, that women do it every day but all I can manage to think in my head is, "So?? I haven't done this before! I've never even had a sprained ankle!" I suppose if it happens that way, it happens that way. I just hope it doesn't. :)

But really, it's hard to complain about much of anything knowing that my precious baby is just weeks away from being warm in my arms. Victor and I are getting more and more excited as the days go on - we find ourselves talking about him at almost every free moment. I don't even really know what we talk about, but we manage to kill a lot of time doing it.

Everything is set up in his room. All that's left is to get my last order in from Target (it has the changing pad cover in it) and finish the last few rows of his blanket. Katie is coming up Tuesday to get everything in it's place, and then we're all ready! Victor ordered tags for the Honda yesterday (in Clarksville, you can just order them and have them mailed to your house rather than having to go to the DMV each year, nice!) We decided that we'll put Miles' car seat base in when the tags get here, which should be sometime this week. I am so ready for him to be here. I'm ready to have my balance back, my coordination, my OTC drugs, my favorite sleeping positions (belly all the way!). But I'm also ready to be a mother, I think. No, I am. I really am. I'm ready to make the hard choices, to fight for my sons purity, to train him up in the way he should go. But I'm also ready to have fun. I'm ready to laugh with Victor and Miles over the memories we've made, I'm ready to snuggle Miles after a bath, and I am SO ready to breast feed him, which is such a weird longing to have, but I can't wait. I can't WAIT! I can't wait for all these precious moments that God has in store for us.

Oh, and I am SO ready for these dag-blangin' stretch marks to STTTTTOOOOPPPPP! Oh my gosh. It's like they are alien invaders, hell-bent on taking over my entire body! :) But you know what? I say whatever. Do your worst. I've got a son on the way, and ain't nothin' bringing me down. Not even trans-abdominal conscious surgery. I can do it. :)

And lastly, per the post title, it's cold. I have been waiting for these days to get here ever since I found out that I was pregnant. THIS is the time of year that has been designated for Miles' arrival, and what a blessing it is. For as long as I can remember, fall and winter have been our family's favorite. I always say that the other seven months of the year are just filler months, put in place simply to get us ready for the excitement that comes with these five. I feel so blessed to be having our first child during this time, having not even planned him. God POURS out His love on us in so many ways, and for me this is one. We couldn't have planned a better time to have a baby. (As I type this, though, I am struggling to keep all the SNOT in my nose that is no doubt a direct result of this "blessed" change in weather! Ha!)

:D

Here's lookin' at ya, kid. :)

Victor and I, quite impulsively, bought a session at the 3D center today and got to see Miles one last time before he's due. Well technically I still have one last ultrasound at the doctor, but it won't be 3D and it also will be a quickie just to measure a few things. Here are a few of the shots we got:

At one point his head was turned away from the camera. The tech told me I could pat his bum to get him to move, and when I did he made the SADDEST little face like, "Mommy, why are you spanking me?" His little lip puckered out and it looked like he wanted to cry! It was SO sad!! You can see it in pictures 3 and 4. :( But we just laughed because it was so funny. It was so good to see him. We left with 97 pictures on a CD and a 28 minute DVD. It may be a total waste of money, I mean - it certainly isn't necessary, but it was wonderful. I'm glad we did it. I'm looking forward to a before and after shot!

32 weeks

When you know that you're baby is just a few weeks from being in your arms, it's easy to wish away this phase of immobility and discomfort (and sleeplessness and moodiness and hunger and swelling...). Being pregnant is still an amazing thing, but I'm getting so excited for the next step.

Miles has started getting more and more cramped in his quarters and is consequently moving around a lot less. I feel him many times during the day, but his movements are much more subtle. Poor little guy. I'll be heading into my next doctor's visit in about an hour and a half, and I'm eager to see what they can tell me about his position, about my swelling (I've had to take off my wedding band) and this sudden lower back pain. My guess, his position is bottoms up (just like normal) I'm swelling to an acceptable degree (just like normal) and that back pain? It's normal. :) But it's always good to hear your OB say it anyway. I am NOT, however, looking forward to getting weighed today. These past two weeks I've been eating like a crazy lady again. We've been eating out TONS (it's so much easier to have someone else cook...) and when we're home, I've been snacking on chips way more than I should. Totally haven't kept myself in check. I'm sure it's gonna show on the scales, I just hope it's not bad and they don't get mad at me.

In other news, we switched cell service last week, so my handy-dandy iPhone is out of commission, meaning those easy-to-snag belly pictures are a little more difficult to get. So I don't have any new pictures to put up. However, we are getting a Canon 7D next Sunday!!! So you can expect to see a whole slew of newer and better pictures very soon. We are both SO excited about this purchase we can hardly stand it.

This week's post is more of an obligatory one than anything. I want to write about where I am now, but I don't have anything profound or special to say, so I think that's about it! :) Just movin' along, passing the time, and trying to get to Miles' birthday as fast as I can!

Oh! One more thing - this Saturday is the Red Door Fall Fest downtown (here, not Nashville) and I'm signed up to be a vendor. So that's another thing I've got going this week to keep me occupied. I hope to get lots of fun pics and come back here next week with a flurry of fun memories! Keep your fingers crossed for me, ok? Now it's off to the shower to get ready for this appointment. Maybe I'll get on here after while and put some pics up of things I'll be selling. Ciao!

It's up, and I'm out. Waaay out.

That's right! My website is a go! Well, several of the features I'm wanting (like oh, I don't know, being able to actually buy something from me) are still not there, but the basics are. And it looks awesome. I love it! Check it out - www.the-green-acorn.com.

In other news, I am 29 weeks pregnant. At least. I have gotten so big lately! I mean, my belly has always measured ahead of the game but NOW, wow. I'm just wondering if after that miscarriage we conceived earlier than the doctor's think, and this little guy is farther along. Or maybe, like my grandmother, my belly is just full of fluid! Either way, my cute belly can no longer be hidden. I like going out to WalMart or wherever - you know how you always make eye contact with strangers and smile politely when passing? Well immediately after eye contact I get belly-eye contact. :P Everyone checks out my tummy and knows I'm about to be a mommy. It's thrilling. Most of the women who see my tummy look back up at me with a little glow of their own on their face, as if they're reminiscing on their own days of pregnancy. It's very sweet, if only for a brief second. And again, if I stand next to anyone for any length of time, I will most likely get a kindly, "So when are you due?" - I love that one. I love being able to chat with another lady about my precious baby, about whom I know nothing. We'll talk about him for maybe just 30 seconds at most, I'll see that glow in their face again, and it warms my heart. Pregnancy, especially for any woman who's experienced it, is such a universal, unifying thing. It brings us all together in joy and love, and for the slightest moment, we are dear friends. I'm going to miss these moments. But I'm quite happy to trade them for newer, better ones. Like holding my baby. Like talking with people about him while they stare into his sweet eyes. Those will be good moments, too.

For a few days now I've been having pretty strong pains in my pelvis. It's normal, since my bones and ligaments are shifting and stretching to accommodate Miles' head when he's born, but man. It hurts. Have you ever, I don't know, popped your back or something even though you could tell it really didn't WANT to be popped, but did it anyway? And as soon as you relax and go back to sitting normal again how those bones just ache? That's similar to how this feels, but it's a constant, nagging pain. I actually have to limp around for a few seconds after standing up or getting out of bed. It's kinda pitiful. And if I cross my right leg over my left and lean forward... holy cow. I'd swear my bones were about to break. But other than that, things are going really well. Heck, even with that things are going really well. I'm still having contractions, and a good amount of them, but they always calm down and go away after awhile. I've always been one to handle change poorly (I like the predictable things in life; the constants) and I suppose that applies to the WHOLE me, not just my consciousness, because it seems like my body sure is complaining about the changes going on! ;)

I hope to get some belly pictures soon. I mean, good ones. So far all I've had are the iPhone-and-bathroom mirror shots. Not the best. :) Maybe I can talk Victor into getting some?

Well, I'm off. I've got lots and lots to be making! I'm hoping to get over to Hobby Lobby today and pick up some good ink pens and paper. I'm wanting to try my hand at line drawings.

Oh man, oh man...

I've started working on a site... for me! Having a blog is nice, and I enjoy getting on Facebook,but I need a space that I can make my very own. And maybe sell some stuff. I'm so excited. I bought the domain today, and have done nothing but work on the site design since I got up. Check it out:

Suh-weet, right?? I can't wait for Victor to get a little free time to help me get this up and running! Poor Vic, he's been so swamped with work. It's after midnight, and he's still out working... for the third night in a row. :( I guess that's the cost of juggling a regular job AND freelance jobs. He's a good sport about it, though!

I suppose I could throw in a little baby update while I'm on, right? We've made it to 28 weeks, and all is well. Still having contractions, but at my last doctor's visit he told me that these kind won't likely lead to labor. If they feel familiar (and they almost always come late at night) to just take it easy and rest. Basically, don't feel like I have to go in every time I have more than four in an hour. Granted, I still keep count and STILL plan on going in if they don't stop, but that was reassuring.

I don't really know how big Miles is this week. Every site I go to seems to have different numbers, but the general consensus is around 15-16". Crazy, huh?? He's getting so big. And so active. His flutters and kicks have turned into rolls and movements that look like he's crawling around in there. They are very distinct. And very cool! Development wise, he's just putting on more fat from here on out, and fine tuning all the things that are in place. My sweet baby boy. I can't wait to meet him!

Two down, one to go

My third trimester is here, and I can't believe it. When I sit and think about the time, it seems to go so slow. But when I look back over the months that have passed since we first heard about baby Miles, the time has really gone by. I couldn't have imagined myself at this point had I tried; nearly seven months pregnant with a son, a loving, patient, brilliant man who calls me his, and a family whose love I will always cherish. This part of my life is so very sweet, and it almost makes me sad to think of it passing.

But then I think about that sweet baby, about the responsibility we have to "train him up in the way he should go" (Proverbs 22:6) and about him growing up, I really look forward to it. No doubt having my sister's family to watch take off has greatly affected this newfound affection for the future.

Victor just got home today from filming a conference in Vegas. It was only a four day trip, but I was miserably homesick while he was gone. I've always been prone to homesickness, but now that we have so many things changing in our lives, and at an alarmingly fast pace, his absence makes those empty, sinking feelings so much stronger. Everything else can fall around me, but having him to snuggle up to at night is my constant. I almost worry about relying on that constant too much, for fear that that something might happen to him one day - where, then, would I be? What would I do? But it was no fool who said, "Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all." So I let myself fall asleep at night when he's away with the promise of him coming home and keeping me safe. Now he's back, already asleep in bed, and though the house is a wreck, my hand is bruised from another trip to the ER (this time without him), and I'm still missing our little foster puppy, all is well because he is home. Being married - being loved, needed, loving and needing - has got to be, above all else, the grandest thing we can experience this side of heaven. And in just a few months, we will welcome our son into the world, whose birth and life is the direct result of our marriage. Life is good. God is good.

Concerning that hand of mine that I mentioned... wait. I haven't even blogged about ANY of these ER visits, have I? Well, well. Time really DOES move fast! At 25 weeks, I started having painless but frequent contractions. We're talking 20 or more an hour, lasting about 30 seconds each. Considering all my books and websites tell me to call the doctor if you have more than FOUR an hour, 20 should set the stage for an eventful evening. :) So we called the doctor, went in not knowing at all what was going on - was I in labor? Would we have this baby at just 25 weeks? I never got too worried somehow though. I just felt a peace about it. Turns out I have what they like to call an "irritable uterus". Ha! Tell me what pregnant woman - what woman at all for that matter - DOESN'T! The term was just hilarious to me. Really what it boils down to it this - they don't know what causes it, why some have it, but for some women, their uterus is just sensitive and contracts easily, with or without reason. Looks like mine has no reason. I'm hydrated and infection free, which are about the only two things they know to check for.

The good news about all of this is that I haven't dilated at all, so aside from the contractions, this pregnancy is still 100% normal. But SINCE I'm having them, they have to stop. So the hospital administers a drug via injection called Terbutaline - a tiny little shot with the bite of an angry pitbull. :) It also makes your heart race. So you're lying in bed, wrapped in a pitiful piece of fabric they call a "gown", cold because I guess that's how hospitals jive, trying to rest when, "Uh..." "I....*pant pant*..." "...*pant*..." "MAN! I feel awful!" - you're hit with what I can only describe as a drug-induced panic attack. You feel, rather you ARE, short of breath, lightheaded, shaky and flushed in the face. It's not fun, to put it mildly. But that part only lasts a minute or two before you settle back down to a "resting" pulse of around 110-120. That part lasts half an hour, at which time, if the contractions haven't stopped, they give you another one. Oh, goody. :)

Anyway, the first time we were there I needed three terb. shots before I was able to go home. Two days later we were back, same song second verse, but I only needed two. And again last night, after almost two weeks of normal braxton hicks contractions, they picked up again and I had to go back. The doctor on call wanted to try fluids first, just to make sure I wasn't kidding myself about being hydrated, and to save me from needing those shots. Unfortunately the fluids did little more than fill my bladder and leave me with a sore hand from my first IV. :) As I'm typing all of this, I'm smiling just recalling it all. The nurses have all been GREAT and I'm looking forward to delivering there.

Also this past week Victor and I became place-holder mommy and daddy to a little puppy. Our niece, Taylor, has asked for a puppy for her 16th birthday and was (rightly) told no. Their family is what I would call a "no pet" family. None of the kids are willing to take the responsibility of caring for any pet - believe me, they've had what seems to be dozens of opportunities to prove themselves. From ducks to dogs, gerbils to kittens, they've had 'em. And killed them or lost them or SOMETHING. It's a disappointing situation all around, really. It ruffles my feathers that the kids don't take better care of their things, let alone a LIVING thing, but alas, that is a story for another day. Suffice to say Taylor's mom was none too thrilled when Taylor "finds" a puppy and brings it home, just two weeks after being told no. She was so unhappy, in fact, that Taylor was told the dog wasn't staying there. At all. And the younger two sisters were toting him around in a bag - ugh... when the news got around to me I was worried. Then I find the dog... "Where did he come from?" "I dunno." "When was the last time he ate?" "I dunno." "Has he been to the vet yet?" "I dunno." Oh man, my blood was boiling at this point. The poor little guy was lethargic, had a bloated tummy and just looked pitiful all around. I love dogs. And I love babies. Naturally, my affinity for puppies s is almost beyond words. So we took the dog, told Taylor's mom to tell the kids he was ours until we could find him a home, and got to work on getting him on a fast track to feeling better. I took him to WalMart and set him up with the best IAMS puppy food I could find, some toys, puppy shampoo, a leash and a few training pads for him to pee on if he had to go in the house. Two days later we took him to the vet and found out to our relief that he was a very healthy little guy, but whose tummy was pumped FULL of roundworms. We got him his first round of puppy vaccines, had him dewormed, and 75 dollars later were headed home. It was a crazy few days. But in that time, Victor and I fell in love with "Charlie Puppy". He was an amazing little guy - sweet, snuggly, soft and oh-so kissable, with the even-kill demeanor that every would-be dog owner dreams of finding in a dog. He was a 5 star puppy. :) But we knew we couldn't keep him. It was torture on me, really. Here I am pregnant, smack-dab in the middle of nesting, readying myself for what is sure to be mine and Victor's greatest love, imagining what he will be like and LONGING to hold him and this puppy drops into our lives. I think all of my unclaimed love was thrust upon that sweet little guy, because I loved him SO much. And at the same time I knew he wasn't going to stay. It was awful. My appreciation for foster parents and the hearts of gold they must have grew exponentially while Charlie Puppy was here.

Just before Victor left for Vegas this past Wednesday, we started looking for a home for Charlie. By Friday we'd found him one. Well, to be honest, God dropped a family in our laps. We didn't do too much, but someone saw his pictures on Facebook, contacted a friend, and long story short, Charlie is home. And these people - I couldn't ask for a better family. They are going to be GREAT. So yesterday I took him to Nashville and said my goodbyes. I still miss him, but I'm also relieved to have resumed our "regularly scheduled programming". :) I have several pictures to remember him by, and I'm looking forward to sharing them with Miles when he's a little older, and telling him about the little puppy who lit up our lives.

This has been a long post, huh! Some days I just feel verbose. And others I feel like getting a lot off my mind. And others, still, I have both. Today is one of those "both" days. :)

Baby Miles, mommy and daddy love you.

24 weeks

1st picture: Miles' profile

2nd picture: He's in the middle of a yawn! It's very cool on the video.

We have made it to the sixth month. It's a very fun place to be. I am quite obviously pregnant, and I'm enjoying having people ask when I'm due. Miles has been a very busy boy these past few weeks, with more and more movement each day. What I thought were kicks are actually punches! So his little arms are now as strong as his legs were a few weeks ago. And his legs? Those are sitting somewhere pretty close to my bladder. I know because every once in awhile I'll feel a kick and simultaneously a panicky feeling of, "Oh no. I'm so about to pee all over myself." Granted, I don't because I don't actually have to, but it sure fools me for a second! :) His little body has finally turned, and his head is up. That made for a very happy ultrasound tech yesterday. Everything went so well, in fact, that I wasn't scheduled for another one. :( I've really enjoyed having them every few weeks! She said he's measuring in the 50th percentile, putting him right at average for his weight. Unfortunately, his momma isn't in the same boat. Since my last visit just four weeks ago, I have managed to pack on TWELVE POUNDS! How the @!%# did that happen?? :) Okay, I suppose to be fair I have to consider a few of these points: one - I work from home. Meaning, I'm home all day. I can eat whenever, and I do. Two - pizza rolls are NOT a pregnant ladie's BFF, no matter what they say when you pull them out of the oven, sizzling. And three - walking up a flight of stairs to go clean up Miles' new room does not count as exercise. Sigh... I was doing SO good, too. Only nine pounds put on in the first half of pregnancy. Then 12 in a matter of four weeks. Guess who came home whining the rest of the day? ME! So here I am now, watching my calorie intake like a mad woman. Did you know that ranch has over 100 calories in just TWO tablespoons? I eat ranch for BREAKFAST for crying out loud! I put it on everything! Bye bye, ranch. And fast food? Holy cow. It's horrendous. Thankfully, however, veggies are a safe ZERO. Nadda. And I love me some veggies. :) So today for lunch, we were on the road and I got a 6" turkey sub on wheat, no cheese, tomato, cucumber, bell pepper, lettuce and red wine vinaigrette. It was tasty. But already my mind is fighting me - I feel hungry again just three hours later. I need pizza! Chips! Soda! Burgers loaded with cheese! AGH!!!!

I think these next few weeks are going to be tough. But it is well worth it for me to eat better - for stupidly obvious reasons - and for Miles. I'm no health nazi, though. I still plan on making room for fun every now and then. Well anyway, that's that. I can't show up at the doctor's next month weighing another ten pounds. I will be in serious trouble. :)

Back to Miles. He's growing steadily, having gained about 4 ounces since last week. That puts him near a pound and a half. Since he's almost a foot long, he cuts a pretty lean figure at this point, but his body is filling out proportionally and he'll soon start to plump up. His brain is also growing quickly now, and his taste buds are continuing to develop. His lungs are developing "branches" of the respiratory "tree" as well as cells that produce surfactant, a substance that will help his air sacs inflate once he hits the outside world. His skin is still thin and translucent, but that will start to change soon. If he were to be born this week, his chance of survival would be in the neighborhood of 60%, with a 75% chance of having serious medical complications. While not great stats, it's reassuring that he would most likely make it. I keep on having this nagging feeling that he's going to be an early baby. I don't mean seriously early, just early. I dream about it. I guess it's just my subconscious screaming, "I can't wait to meet you, baby!!"

About a boy and a girl

This will just be a quickie, but my friend Alison, also my old roomie from my days back at Austin Peay, who ALSO happens to be - almost to the DAY - as pregnant as I am, just found out she and her husband are having a girl!! I'm really excited for them. Alison wanted a girl, and I just had this feeling she'd get her wish. :) Alison and Don are going to make a fine mommy and daddy, and that little girl is gonna have one crafty momma! I must admit, there is a tiny piece of me that envies the bond I know they'll have. Being the artsy ladies that we are, we look forward to having daughters to share that passion with.

Earlier in the year, when I first made Henry (the elephant in the picture), Alison fell in love with it (the woman is a fan of the pachyderms) and asked me to make her one. Funny, when I made mine, I made it with very boy colors. Not with any purpose in mind, I just liked the colors. Then Alison asks me to make her one. What colors? Brown, green, pink and white. Girl all the way. Who knew just a few short months later we'd BOTH be knocked up, each with a matching elephant-baby combo? :)

Now to get that little elephant all finished up and on its way to the Nation house!

Same song, second verse...

...a little bit louder and a little bit worse! :P

Come on, you guys remember that song, right? Anyway, today marks the official midway point of this pregnancy. This week Miles measures a healthy 6.5 inches from crown to rump, and 10 inches from crown to heel. From this week on, the official measurements will be from head to toe, which is fun for me because he seems so much bigger now! :) He is also starting to make meconium, that infamous tar that will fill his first diaper once he's here.

I had my 20 week ultrasound yesterday, where they measure all of his major organs and body parts. Everything looked great. Well, numbers wise everything looked great. Miles himself, poor guy, looks about as uncomfortable as can be. His little head is STILL resting on my cervix (he will soon outgrow that space and have to move up), but now that he's getting longer, he isn't able to just stretch straight out anymore. The result? A doubled-over baby whose head is tucked so tight down into his chest, and whose legs flop so far over the top of his body that at a glance he resembles a shrimp more than a baby. ;) Even the u/s tech couldn't believe that after 4 weeks (since my last ultrasound) he was still sitting (err... head-standing) that way! And because he was so tightly tucked down onto his own chest, they weren't able to get a good view of his heart or brain. So I'll be headed back in 4 weeks for yet another ultrasound. Can't say I mind though, because seeing baby Miles up on that screen is the highlight of my days, my weeks, and my months.

This past week Miles became even more active. Rather, this past week he grew and his acrobatics became even more noticeable. Victor got to feel him kick again, and we both got to watch my tummy twitch and jump a couple of times when Miles would get going. At this point, about any time he kicks I can see it from the outside and others can feel it. I'm just hoping little turkey straightens up! ;)

This summer has blown by, and to be honest, I'm really thankful. I know that there are families out there who are biding their time with their children before school starts back up, teachers who are taking a much needed break from the classroom, and people everywhere enjoying the fruits of the summer sun, but man. I am READY to meet this baby, and with each week that passes I get more and more excited. So fall, get here quick! Break out the Thanksgiving turkey! :D

"I like Papayas, I know that Mangos are sweet"

And what a sweet Mango he is! :)

This past week Miles was a polite little boy and shared his kicks with Daddy and McKenzie. It was very cool to feel him kicking and have other people feel him kicking, too. If others were feeling him at 18 weeks WITH an anterior placenta, I can't imagine how strong his kicks would feel if it were attached to the back like normal! Wow! The most magical thing in my entire life has been feeling him play around in there. It's so SO out of this world. I can't seem to wrap my mind around the fact that there is a baby, a living, peeing, PERSON in my tummy, growing and readying himself for this big world. I'm almost halfway done, and I am SO ready to meet him. I can't wait to smell him, feed him, bathe him and kiss him. Victor said earlier tonight that he's eager to meet him as well. I think feeling Miles kick this week was a big step in the "realization process" for him. And I'm glad he's taken that next step.

This week Miles gets some fuzzies on his head, and if he's like his momma, they'll be there. I was a full blown mohawk child by birth. Some studies also show that he might be able to hear me by this week, which is wild to think about. I haven't talked to him much yet, largely because I feel like I'm talking to myself, but I bet once I know he can hear me that will change. He's also about six inches now from crown to rump. Six inches! I know that with each week I'm amazed at his new size, but six inches seems so big to me now. Just a few weeks ago I was stoked about him being the size of a blueberry, and now look where we are. :)

I've registered at target.com, but have already discovered that I have single-handedly purchased enough sleepers to last him through his first 3, if not 6, months. Oops? As I'm typing, Miles is kicking away! This past week brought several changes in the "how much I feel him" arena. Before last week, I could only feel flops here and there if I laid down. Now sitting, standing or laying I can feel his little reminders. It's just awesome.

Happy 4th, everyone. I am extremely thankful to be an American. There are so many wonderful things about this place that I can't wait to share with Miles.

We're having an avacado!

And his name is Miles!!!! Here's the story:

Last Thursday, June 11, was my first trip to the doctor. If you know me already, you know why I've had to wait so late - since Victor and I weren't at all planning this pregnancy and I work from home, I had no insurance. As soon as I found out I was pregnant I started the whole 'enjoyable' process of acquiring it. It took awhile. So long, in fact, that I was in my second trimester before I was seen by a doctor. NOT the most comforting thing for an Anderson girl like myself, we tend to worry... but all is well. I did what I knew to do to take care of little one, and now it's all just a bad memory. :)

Back to the story.

My NP got a good listen at the baby's heartbeat and was wondering if there might be two in there. We heard two heartbeats in two different spots, and even in her expertise she was unable to say one way or the other. Oh boy. Or oh boys? I just laughed. Laughing in the face of the unexpected is one of the many bonuses you get when you marry into the Albright family. They have an amazing ability to cope with the unknown. I love them for it. The NP also guessed that I'm in the neighborhood of 15 weeks, so it looks like I'm no farther along than we thought. She told me, though, to have them schedule an ultrasound as soon as they can since we can't proceed with testing, bloodwork or due dates until we know how far along I am. THAT was great to hear! She said on a normal day they would likely be able to see me after my appointment, but one of the ultrasound techs was out. So I have to wait till Monday. Thinking there are two in there AND waiting till Monday to know for sure was going to kill me! But oh well, what can you do?

I called mom to tell her everything went well and that I was to have an ultrasound Monday. Oh no. Not on her life. She told me to call the 3D imaging center and schedule a visit with them that day, her treat. DUDE! That was the coolest thing EVER. Not only did I go to the doctor, I was going to actually SEE my baby, too! I was squealing. Just ask Victor. I guess the rest is self-explanatory; we went in, had the ultrasound, and in the first ten seconds little Miles proudly displayed his boy parts! And he was kicking up a storm. It was the most magical moment ever. I left relieved and excited - not only was there just one in there, it was a boy. Absolutely perfect.

And what's better is I go back on Monday to the doctor for THEIR ultrasound to see how far along he is, and on Wednesday I go back to the imaging center to finish my session! I'll be seeing lots of little Miles in the next few days.

The tech said he looks to be measuring around 5 inches, which is right on track. That was also good to hear. I got to see his heart beating, his legs kicking, his hands waving and his perfect little body moving around. I love him!